Cleotilde

En Español

Courtesy photo

By Goyo Lopez

To this day, Cleotilde* still wears her wedding ring. Perhaps it’s a symbol of her faith in God.

“I arrived at Casa de Misericordia approximately four years ago,” Cleotilde begins her tragic story of domestic abuse. “I was recently married at that time (and without kids). I got married in Guadalajara."

And that’s where and when the nightmare began. The courtship was as standard as a hot summer day in south Texas. There were no signs of violence from the man she fell in love with, from whose memory hope springs eternal.

“It began on the first night of our marriage on our honeymoon. It started from that moment,” recalled Cleotilde. “It was a surprising and shocking night for me. I never understood why he did it. Even though he physically assaulted me, I can say that he damaged me more emotionally.” To this day, my husband is a person who cannot accept his errors. Even though he caused me so much emotional pain, he has never acknowledged his mistakes.”

Seeking help, Cleotilde spoke with her pastor who advised that if the marriage had not been consummated, she could seek an annulment through the Marriage Tribunal office in the diocese. She decided, however, to give the marriage, and him, another opportunity ? hoping that it was a one-time incident. Displaying mercy, she forgave what most could not, or would not, forgive. “A little later, my husband moved to Laredo because he’s a [U.S.] citizen and called me at home in Guadalajara asking me to return to him,” explained Cleotilde.

Unfortunately, nothing changed for Cleotilde when she arrived in the United States. Her husband’s jealousy and insecurity only inflicted more emotional and psychological damage on Cleotilde. Nothing had changed.

“The sad thing is that I married for love,” confessed Cleotilde. “I didn’t marry him to become a [U.S.] citizen. He never showed any *Cleotilde is a pseudonym. signs of violence before we got married. The man who attacked me was not the man I fell in love with.”

But who was there to turn to for help? She knew hardly anyone in Laredo, let alone of organizations dedicated to helping abused women and children. A little less than a month had passed since moving to the border town when the abuse reached a point where Cleotilde sought help from law enforcement officials.

“They saw the marks [on my neck and arms] and I asked what I could do,” said Cleotilde. “They explained to me that they had to arrest my husband because he had tried to choke me. It was then that they brought me to Casa de Misericordia.”

Sister Rosemary Welsh and the entire staff at Casa de Misericordia opened their arms and their doors to Cleotilde, giving a welcome she never imagined and one she couldn’t find in her own home. “They treated me very well. They listened, they supported and they counseled me,” she recalled. “Above all, they never passed judgment on me. I had the freedom to make my own decisions.”

Casa de Misericordia offers a comprehensive plan for victims of domestic abuse. Part of the routine includes a physical examination by a medical doctor. “After the checkup, I discovered that I was pregnant,” said Cleotilde. “Sister was very happy for me and congratulated me. Although some people might say that my pregnancy was a mistake, I saw him as a miracle from God.”

After spending about a month and a half at Casa de Misericordia, she decided to move in with a nephew who had recently arrived in Laredo. The next seven months were surrounded by stability and love. Then the unimaginable happened. Yet another attack on the psyche ensued.

“My nephew told me that he could no longer help me and that I was going to have to move or start paying rent. I was eight months pregnant with no money and nowhere to go,” said Cleotilde. “By that time, my husband was looking for me. My nephew located my husband and told him to pay my rent or to take me. My own family.”

And once again, Cleotilde decided to give her husband a chance. “It seemed like a normal marriage,” continued Cleotilde. “A week after I moved back with him, I had our baby. From that point on I have no complaints about him until about a year ago, when I received my immigration papers allowing me to work [in the U.S.].”

It was then the nightmare returned. “I started working and tried to help him because I wanted our family to move ahead,” she explained. “But everything bothered him. Then he accused me of spending his money and not mine and that I was hiding my paychecks in a bank account. He didn’t understand that it was our money.”

“He called me the worst things that I had ever heard in my life. He always called me a prostitute,” said Cleotilde. “Then he took a night job and after that we hardly saw each other.”

Looking for a silver lining, Cleotilde admits that at least this time the abuse was solely verbal and psychological.

After trying so many times to make the marriage work and displaying incredible patience, Cleotilde decided that she and her son could no longer live under these conditions. “Then the ninth of May arrived. It was a very important day for me because I was graduating with my GED,” said Cleotilde. “But he didn’t give me one word of inspiration or of support. I told him that I had finished school and he reacted as if nothing. Our son thought we were arguing again and began making noise, turned off the fan, turned off the television - anything to distract us from fighting.”

“I reached the point where I admitted that I was wrong for submitting my child to this, and asked God to please help me make a good decision,” continued Cleotilde. “I said, ‘I think it’s time for you to leave.’ He replied, ‘why are you running me off, is another man moving in?’ I told him that the only other ‘man’ I was thinking of was our son.”

Thus, May 9 became a bittersweet day for Cleotilde. “It was the hardest day of my life when I saw him grab his things and prepare to leave and I was beginning to run late for my graduation,” she lamented. “And the dream that I had of attending my graduation with my husband and my son, the two most important people in my life, vanished into thin air.”

However, seeing her husband depart also made her realize the importance of providing a loving and stable home for her son and herself. “I thought, first I need to be a mother and then a woman. That’s what motivated me, because Jesus gave me this child,” she said. “The sad thing is that I still don’t know what a relationship is supposed to be like between a man and a woman.”

Perhaps Cleotilde knows more than she realizes. The mercy displayed, and still evinced, throughout her unstable marriage remains as something that married couples and families struggle in discovering and understanding. It’s the ability to forgive those who have hurt you the most. In this sense, Cleotilde may understand love better than nearly everyone. The question is not one of love between a man and a woman but the love of God.

Cleotilde now lives on her own in a humble home filled with love, faith and stability. And even now, with the patience, hope and mercy that only God’s love can bring, she’s forgiven him.

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To this day, Cleotilde* still wears her wedding ring. Perhaps it’s a symbol of her faith in God.

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